Changed Lives

If it happened to this female it can happen to anyone.

Mary was excited about entering college. She had grown up around the university – actually lived in the same town as the campus. Most of her best friends were attending the same school. Like many females on this campus, Mary went through "Rush" with the anticipation of being in a sorority with her friends. That part didn’t work out exactly as she had anticipated. Although her other girl friends were invited to join the sorority of their choice, Mary was not. As the week of "Rush" progressed, Mary was “cut” from what were considered the “prestigious” sororities her friends were asked to join. However, she did get a bid to one of the “other” sororities. Mary accepted the bid.

As the first weeks of school evolved, everything progressed much as Mary had anticipated. She met new friends and really began to enjoy her life as a “pledge.” She lived on the same floor of the dorm with her high school friends and life was good. Much to her surprise, Mary was asked to be a “little sister” to one of the fraternities on campus. She never expected this, as these invitations usually went to girls in the sororities her friends had pledged. Mary was so proud, so excited!! Everyone in Mary’s sorority congratulated her and encouraged her to accept the offer of being a “little sister.” Mary did.

Soon after, the fraternity had a party and all the “little sisters” were invited. Mary even had a date with one of the fraternity pledges. She didn’t really know the guy, but her sorority sisters assured her that it was okay. Mary was quite anxious, but also excited about attending the prestigious party.

The music was loud and everyone was drinking. Mary was embarrassed to admit to her date that she had never had any alcoholic beverages, so when her date brought her a drink that tasted like fruit punch was felt relived. She found it actually tasted quite good. As the evening progressed , Mary's date continued to refill her cup. That was about the last thing Mary could clearly remember about the evening.

Mary awoke the next morning in a bed she did not recognize in a room she did not ever remember seeing before. Where was she? Was she still in the fraternity house? She was dizzy and nauseated. What had happened? She only remembered drinking a few glasses of that “punch.” As her head began to clear, Mary realized that she was naked. She looked at the sheets partially covering her body and saw that she had been bleeding. The pain she felt on her body was nothing compared to the emotional pain that soared through her head. Oh my God! Mary knew what had happened. Sometime during the night she had had sexual intercourse, but with who? She quickly dressed and walked out of the room. As she proceeded down the stairs, she realized immediately that she was in fact still in the fraternity house. The jeers and laughter she met as she exited the building still echo in her ears.

Mary was ashamed. No, she was humiliated. How could she have let this happen? How many people knew? How could she ever face her friends again?

Mary’s life was forever changed. She never went back to the fraternity house. She did not accept the invitation to become a fraternity “little sister.” As a matter of fact, Mary never stepped back into a fraternity house. Her sorority sisters could not understand her decision and made known their disappointment in her. Mary eventually left the sorority.

This is a true story. It happened over 35 years ago to someone I know very well. Date rape on the college campus is a serious problem. According the U. S. Justice Department’s National Institute of Justice and Bureau of Justice Statistics, approximately 1 in 36 college women experience a rape or attempted rape in an academic year. The Sarah Isom Center for Women and Gender Studies reports the following alarming statistics:

§ 1 in 6 college women are victims of rape or attempted rape
§ Average age of victim is 18
§ 70 – 85% of women are acquainted with their assailant
§ Almost 60% of rapes occur on the 1st date
§ High percentage of acquaintance rapes of freshmen women occur sometime between the first day of school and the first break
§ Alcohol and/or drugs are involved in 90% of all acquaintance rapes
§ 95% of victims do not report the assault to the police / 50% tell no one

Acquaintance rape is a serious matter. No one has the right to sexually assault another person. Being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol does not change this fact. Mary Todd, sexual assault advocate and assistant director of Kansas State University’s Women’s Center put it this way. "There are absolutely no circumstances which make it acceptable to force sexual activity on another person. It doesn't matter if a woman has been drinking with someone all night, if they are engaged in petting, if they have had sex on previous occasions -- without an active, mindful 'yes' it is an assault.” (http://www.k-state.edu/media/webzine/Didyouhearyes/mostunreported.html)

I found a very informative NPR radio interview dated March 4, 2010. I hope everyone will find time to listen to this audio. Perhaps it will help you avoid becoming a victim. Or maybe it will help you understand just how tragic acquaintance rape can be to both the victim and the perpetrator.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124272157